Here are a few recent lessons that I have learned or have been taught by others…
*Variety is the spice of life…Especially when it comes to fucking.
*If you’re trying to kill yourself, don’t jump from 4 floors up, you’ll just break everything…GO HIGHER!!!
*Buying a new pair of shoes will solve all life’s problems (for the moment) – repeat as often as necessary!
*Sharing a bathroom with another girl is worse than death.
*When putting things in “a safe place” try to make a mental note of where you fucking put them.
*It’s okay to yell at the idiot that cut you off, cause he won’t hear you utter mean things anyways.
*I know it’s mean to make fun of people that didn’t look at themselves in the mirror before they left the house this morning….but damn, it sure makes me feel better!
*If you’re going to sleep around with the whole town…you might as well be getting paid to do it!
*What goes around, most definitely comes around. – so use a condom!
*Just because you said so, doesn’t make it right.
*Never stop in the middle of a blow job to ask him how it feels. Same goes for guys going down on a girl.
*If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT!
*What looks good on her may not necessarily look good on you.
*Make your man buy you a bra – it will most likely be the most support he ever gives you…unless you divorce the bastard and take the kids.
*If you’re avoiding someone’s phone calls just say, “oh, sorry I must have left my phone at home that day.”
*Always get your hair done at the same place. This prevents a lot of sobs and tears.
*If he has “THAT LOOK” in his eye….it just means he wants to fuck you.
*Never do anything unless you get something rewarding out of it.
*If he starts to ask THE question…take the ring and run away quickly. Don’t look back. You’ll thank me later.
